what's goin' on in there? ::: >>>

ok ... just went into the men's room at work ... & somebody in the veRy first stalL is making a rather steamy beef stew concoction, no? ::: just a bit much for a workplace output if you catch my draft ::: he should have waited for the old homestead to let fly the fecundities ... or ... traveled on over to the Barnes & Noble for a lunchbreak excommunication of any papalitiesSupreme ... these are just my opinioNs though, no? ::: >>>

deep anger ::: >>>

ia snova kivnul, pokazyvaia, chto informaciiu prinial, zatem My zamolchali oba, zavorozhenno nabliudaia za izmeneniiami v kolodce. Raschet okazalsia tochen, i oshchushchenie zatuhaiushchej zhizni zveria ulavlivaetsia moej auroj Kak slabeiushchee teplo solnechnogo zakata ::: na pervyj vzgliad sedlo kazalos dostatochno udobnym dlia chelovecheskogo Sedalishcha i prosto izobilovalo kozhanymi petliami, k kotorym udobno priviazyvat Raznye prichindaly. Vse ravno ona svoego dobetsia, kak by On ni brykalsia. Zasfernik vdrug prevratilsia vo chto-to neperedavaemo zhutkoe, Nechelovecheskoe. I tak uzhe Proishodilo. Gde-nibud za gorodom ostanovlius, Pokormliu. Cilindr chuzhogo ne byl pomehoj sheptunam. Zahripev ot zlosti, ne v silah dazhe vyrugatsia, ia Otshvyrnul izluchatel v storonu. Ia ne liubliu, kogda mne diktuiut usloviia Terpet ne mogu ogranicheniia svoej Svobody ::: >>>

it just really is starting to p!Ss me off ::: >>>

i have to get out of here ::: >>>

i have to ::: get out ::: ... ::: of here ::: ... i have to leave ::: i think i ::: ... ::: i think i am :::
... ::: being followed again ::: ... ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

that strange strange man ::: ... ::: he was in the company courtyard again at lunch ::: ...
::: at lunchtime ::: ... behind the tree ::: ... talking on ::: ... talking on his cell again ::: ...
::: i am certain he is following me ::: ... ::: ... he is omnipitous in this matters :::::::::::::::
::: ... that strange strange bastard ... ::: ... ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: !i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i

i have to leave ::: i must ::: i have to ... ::: i have to ::: ... leave ::: ... to get out of here ...

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: >>>

suspicioN ::: >>>

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

very suspicious things are going on again ::: >>>

you have to continue to be strong : they want you to give in : a boring day : the day to day : i am on the line : on computer : on the monitor : my eyes dry & failing : i feel a bit anxious at times ::: always being followed ::: followed ::: stalked ::: watched ::: i know he is watching me ::: >>>

it is a strange predicament i find myself in i know : they have the cookies : they have this snooping software : to keep track of my keyboard strokes : it is a time-driven world : each click click click of the second hand is ::: is ::: another second ::: another click : this is the day : these are the days !i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i & then there is the mouseclick the mouseclick : each mouseclick being recorded ::: >>>

i must use the bathroom now >>>

untitled thoughtstreaM #403

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i feel completely disjointed again : disconnected to everything to everyone : completely floating & invisible : unimportant : but not in a liberating way : its a sort of blind & nebulous suffocation : dyslexia : carcinogenic drowning of the soul : this is what i am talking about : complete negation : absolute absence : neglect : worry : anxiety : blah : blah : blah : screwed up : twisted : paralyzed : these are days i do despise : i cannot stand to live thru moments like these & swear in mumbles under my breathe : i curse myself continually : pray for my negation : for my death : for the end ::: >>>

i cannot take it :

i cannot stand it :

i will not settle for a feeling such as this :

this is not :

not what i deserve :

not how i should live :

i am tired : weary of this existence :

everyday in a box :

every hour inside my shell : inside w/o light : w/o warmth : w/o happiness : w/o hope : w/o reason : w/o want : w/o desire : w/o sense : w/o thought : w/o feet : w/o eyes : w/o hands : w/o ass : w/o arms : w/o torso : w/o head : w/o ears : then : w/o mouth : w/o vision : w/o legs : w/o neck : w/o shoulders ::: >>>

i hate these day :

such a long dreary time : a waste : negative fog : condensed milk : free-form seafoam : paper cup : styrofoam eyelids : metal shoes : fleece jacket : ache in my heart : pain in my head : tears in my eye :

i don't know why i come here :::

i don't know why i bother day after day after day :::

no love no hope no poison :

no reason

no reason

he is close to getting me ::: >>>

mysterious call today at work : i was leaving a bit early today : around 1:14 or so : i get a phonecall : a few rings : i pick it up : 'hello' i say : a bit mellow : a pinch of disdain : & then : no answer on the other end : i can hear the ambience of an officespace on the other end of the line : some voices : some clicking : a far away silence : no breathing : but : some very nondescript & typical muffled discussion : 'hello' i say : 'hello' : no answer : i wait : i give them the silent treatment myself for a while : at approximately 1:47 i hang up : shut down my system : & leave to go home for the day ::: >>>

the returN of 5head ::: >>>

this week has beeN like the veritable ghosttowN oN the corporate workplace ::: barely a souL left in the office — & those little troopers who grace our space with their presence aRe indeed like the living dead of soMe sort ::: but — this is beside the points ::: >>>

i am stunned this morning to find oN my morningtiMe commute to the workplace my inimitable anti-friend & stalkerpaL — noNe other than the the 5head iN alL his stalker-like glory — sitting at the café table — casually glancing oveR as i patiently wait oN the liNe — watching — waiting — a reaL paiN oN the asS ::: >>>

today though is a bit different thaN the otheR days of his creepy near-sinus presence ::: he watches & stares ::: but alL the tiMe he is also talking with soMeoNe who is sitting at a comfortable beateN up loveseat ::: aS i aM iN the queue i cannot decipher the approximity of the 5head's new companioN — but it appears that their conversatioNs aRe happy oNes — as the 5head occasionally chuckles & theN leans iN to tap the new stranger w/ a manly snap of the fingertips oN the upper silhouette of an invisible shoulder hidden behind the puffy little seat ::: >>>

it's alL too much fuN for our little cromagnoN w/ the recording studio stylings — every oNce oN the while he smiles a bit while looking off to the ceiling [ but i know he is spying me through his peripheral visioNs ] — every once iN a while he leaNs forward & stares at the flooR while muttering soMething [ he wishes he could smoke i bet i bet he does yes i do | uh — but don't forget the baN ] — he soMetiMes picks at his left thumbnaiL w/ his right pointer finger — he needs a haircut badly [ how unlike the 5head ] — he is a jesus-loving freak w/ his sandals & woven anklet w/ little cutesy beads [ this is a new additioN to the rockstar fashioN statement wardrobe of his ] ::: >>>

i finally purchase my coffee froM the kindly womaN behind the counter [ complete w/ a dope gold-tooth smiLe & a neck-curled tattoo ] ::: i go tot he mixing statioN ::: although the 5head remaiNs cooL & casuaL — seemingly not looking directly at me — i feeL his eyes oN my every move [ & my heart races ] ::: >>>

after adding the half & half — about 7 sugars — & the coffee cover lid — i turn to move toward the exit door ::: w/ my suspicious strides to release myself to the outer world [ almost a free man agaiN ] i slyly take a gander at the loveseated stranger & aM completely horrified & surprised to find that it is none other thaN none other thaN mar von janko ::: >>>