untitled thoughtstreaM #403

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i feel completely disjointed again : disconnected to everything to everyone : completely floating & invisible : unimportant : but not in a liberating way : its a sort of blind & nebulous suffocation : dyslexia : carcinogenic drowning of the soul : this is what i am talking about : complete negation : absolute absence : neglect : worry : anxiety : blah : blah : blah : screwed up : twisted : paralyzed : these are days i do despise : i cannot stand to live thru moments like these & swear in mumbles under my breathe : i curse myself continually : pray for my negation : for my death : for the end ::: >>>

i cannot take it :

i cannot stand it :

i will not settle for a feeling such as this :

this is not :

not what i deserve :

not how i should live :

i am tired : weary of this existence :

everyday in a box :

every hour inside my shell : inside w/o light : w/o warmth : w/o happiness : w/o hope : w/o reason : w/o want : w/o desire : w/o sense : w/o thought : w/o feet : w/o eyes : w/o hands : w/o ass : w/o arms : w/o torso : w/o head : w/o ears : then : w/o mouth : w/o vision : w/o legs : w/o neck : w/o shoulders ::: >>>

i hate these day :

such a long dreary time : a waste : negative fog : condensed milk : free-form seafoam : paper cup : styrofoam eyelids : metal shoes : fleece jacket : ache in my heart : pain in my head : tears in my eye :

i don't know why i come here :::

i don't know why i bother day after day after day :::

no love no hope no poison :

no reason

no reason